So for those of you that know you me, you might now that I am a very strong willed individual. I mean, I have to be to accomplish everything that I do. I am a practicing acupuncturist and yoga teacher. I am renovating a 1972 Airstream Sovereign in to a tiny home. I am also building an online business offering educational and transformational services. And to top it off most of the time, I am functioning as a single parent.
And I am someone who believes in being a super human and will do all of these things exactly as I aspire to them....perfectly. And I try pretty darn hard. But the fact of the matter is that when we are doing so many different things with a very strong idea of how they should be done, there's no flexibility. Something has to give. Somewhere something bleeds. And if you are like me, then what's going to bleed is ME. I will do everything else perfectly and I will be the one that suffers as a result.
The reason why I am sharing this is that I came to So Cal on Wednesday for my brothers wedding and a little holiday with Sage. Long story short the day I arrived I felt fine. I woke up from a nap feeling like death was coming upon me. Like literally strangling me and I couldn't breathe. So here begins the journey into my vacation. Haha!
The current dominating energy right now is the WOOD element. (It will shift June 20). So WOOD is all about determination and growth. It is that single focused energy that gets shit done. And that energy really sets me in high gear. I love it. I am motivated and ready to achieve. But the thing that I (and many others) have to be careful of is that if WOOD becomes too rigid....too single focused....it will become brittle and break. So there needs to be some flexibility in it.
The way that WOOD stays flexible is that it is nourished by WATER. The energy of water is TRUST and ALLOWING. Both things that are super challenging for me. So anyways, I was laying there last night on my friend's couch in San Diego....hacking away....a wheeze was coming on me and I realized that despite all my efforts of self medicating...I was still not really getting better. I was being waaaaaay too rigid. I was sticking to the plans I had made with my son to go to the zoo etc instead of resting. I was self diagnosing, thinking that I know best which herbs to take and obviously missing the mark. (self diagnosis or diagnosing and treating family members is very challenging if not impossible for even the best practitioner) I was stressed about a big project I have coming up but not being able to work or focus on it because I felt and sounded horrible.
So last night I changed course. I softened. I made room for something different. I called up a local acupuncturist and set up an herbal appointment. I went online and hired a virtual assistant for my project even though the financial investment scared me. I mentally cancelled the plans I had made for the following day and recommitted to laying on the couch and letting my 4 year old veg on Tv so I could rest (cringe! I am super into Waldorf education). I made room for myself to be supported.
So today you know what happened....I got an herbal formula and I am already feeling significantly better. My stress level decreased loads after hiring the virtual assistant....like massively...I don't even miss the money now. I laid around and rested with Sage and actually used the time to connect with him while he watched programs. I moved through fear of not being the best mom, not having enough money, not being the best herbalist etc.....and softened into allowing and trusting that I will be taken care of. And it feels so good. Plus I am still moving towards my goals. It's not like anything was really lost in this! Some of the best things are on the other side of fear.
I think so often as well become older we start to harden a bit. As we get to know ourselves we think that we know ourselves best....which is true in a lot of cases....but I think that rigidness can also be self limiting. When we have a goal in life that we would like to achieve whether its in health, finances, relationships or whatever, it's super easy to think that we know best and not be willing to deviate and really soften enough to try something new and ALLOW it to work. The thing is if we did know best in all those arenas, all our dreams and goals would already be materialized. Fear and doubt keep us from that genuine softening that could afford us the flexibility to reach our goals with less pain. It also keeps us from reaching out and getting the support that we need
Anyways, just thought I would share my reflections from the sick couch. Had I softened a bit earlier. Had I reached out for help sooner I am more than certain that I could've avoided becoming sick all together. None of us is super human and all of us could use a little help and guidance in creating the life and health of our dreams.